I had another episode with Telstra today. As per usual I ended up a deranged mess. When a box arrived this afternoon I felt sick to my stomach as soon as I saw it as I knew what was in it. I had hoped that it would get delayed somewhere like the back of Bourke or that it would get flattened by a runaway semi trailer as I did not want to have to open it. It was my new modem that Telstra had told me was a necessity in my latest conversation with them. I had ordered it because time with Telstra tends to make me weak and pliable. I had hoped that Telstra would act with their usual efficiency and the modem would take about 6 months to arrive. But it took four days. I felt like standing at my gate and screaming to the heavens, “Fuck you Telstra”, but I did not want to scare the lovely parcel delivery lady.
This modem did not need any programming, you just had to plug it in and everything would be hunky dory. Yeah right. Rissie was doing some sort of assignment on the computer so I had time to resolve myself to the inevitable. I lay on the couch, closed my eyes and started doing some deep breathing exercises. I could not call it meditation as I was too tense at the thought of Telstra once again infiltrating itself into my peaceful little life in my quiet little cottage. The one time I wanted homework to take forever and Rissie was finished in 10 minutes. So I had no excuse. I unpacked the box, unplugged my modem, followed the instructions step by step, plugged in the new modem and waited for the lights to fire up. I then went to my computer, feeling strong and confident and typed the password for the new network connection. I rebooted by computer and sat with as many Pollyanna thoughts as I could muster. I turned on the computer and it was “Fuck you Telstra”. My internet connection was gone.
15 minutes later and I was in another room with my laptop on the floor, with cords attaching it to the modem, talking to someone who could not understand why I was sobbing aggressively as he tried to convince me that there was work occurring on lines whilst he ignored the fact that I had a new modem. He told me that it would be rectified by the 20th February at which point we had a mutual period of silence filled with hatred and heavy breathing from me. I said with as much dignity as I could muster, “So you are telling me there is nothing I can do?” To which he replied with a thousand heart-felt apologies and comments about the weather that no, there was nothing I could do.
I hung up, lay face down on the carpet and had a bit of a sob. I regained my composure 10 minutes later and said to myself that I was not going to take this crap lying down. I stood up and with a feeling of dread rang the bastards back. Five minutes later I had a chirpy young lady telling me that all I needed to do was connect the new network and modem to my computer via a portal (I don’t know if that is the right word) that only Telstra had access to. Why on earth hadn’t I realised it? I chose not to respond as I had two eight year olds in the kitchen who had started quietly making themselves toast for dinner whilst they whispered about Telstra and the fact that Telstra always made mummy freak out. The sweet little thing on the end of the phone fixed my problem within five minutes and I hung up, feeling like I had been dragged through a cane field backwards by a combine harvester with an attitude.
I hate Telstra.
I am back to loving Fennel after being so unkind to it on Friday. (If you want a reminder, just refer to my ‘Fuck you Fennel’ blog from Friday). This is another version of Fennel salad with my favourite salad dressing in the world – Flax Oil Dressing. I had never thought to combine Fennel with Pomegranate but both were in the fridge and both were on the verge of being past their used by date. The combination was lovely – the crisp aniseed of the Fennel combined beautifully with the sweetness and colour of the Pomegranate. I am very excited that I have leftovers for lunch tomorrow. It makes up for Telstra.
Fennel & Pomegranate Salad
Meal for two, side salad for 4
2 Fennel – Trimmed and finely sliced
2 Pears – Sliced and Julienned
4 Celery Sticks – Finely sliced
1 Cup Cashew Nuts
1 Pomegranate – seeds removed – I tend to empty the Pomegranate in a bowl of water and remove the seeds. The pulp and pith tends to float to the surface and the seeds sink so it is one of the easiest methods.
Mix all ingredients so well combined.
4 Tablespoons Flax Oil
2 Tablespoons Apple Cider Vinegar
1 Tablespoon Peanut Butter
1 Teaspoon Hot Mustard
2 Tablespoons Maple Syrup
Blend all ingredients with a hand held mixer. Pour over the salad